On the Eve of the new year

Michael Fuller is making dinner tonight. We are having a date on this last night of the year. I sure hope 2007 turns out to be better then the last half of my 2006, which has proved to me a roller coaster of a ride of emotions. These past six months have been more challenging for me than I ever could have imagined. I find myself grieving daily right now. I'm still out to lunch and completely disconnected from everyone except my children. Here's to finding clarity in 2007. Happy New Year everyone, may 2007 be better then than the last year.
On a side note Winty and I got out and went skiing today. I pulled out the bright pink harness and she did French fries down Deer Run. Now if I could only get her to do a pizza wedge..

Another day out with the kid

Today was day number two out this season for my oldest daughter. I took the babysitter and her friend over to Mt. Snow today. Winty is enjoying the whole big mountain scene.

Why I don't ski/ride on Saturday's

I remember it clearly now why I usually choose to stay far away from the mountain on Saturdays. It is usually shear mayhem. As timing would have it this week, I ended up working at the mountain today. The crowds were pretty nuts. Grant it, while working I don't have to wait in line to get on the lift, but the skier/rider traffic on the trails was just nuts. Stuff was getting skied off by 9:30 this morning. Thank heavens for the couple inches that fell during the day, it really made a difference with the improvement of the snow surface by early afternoon.
Ski Patrol was kept pretty busy from early on today as well. I had my fair share of incidents to check out, which kept me distracted for most of the day.

Friday Excitement

Will it be the Monthsire, or Mt. Snow? It it will likely end up a Montshire Day. I'll call Maria and see if her, and, or, Matthew can bring their children down to the museum for the morning. It would be great to see Ella, and Peter, not to mention the frozen snow covered trails of the Montshire.
I have Dinner plans with Mike and Cynthia tonight. Maybe I can crash there before doing the patrol gig Saturday. All is well

What does the future hold?

I awoke this morning to both my little girls snuggling up to me. I have been told countless times by my friends and colleagues to cherish everyday with your children, especially when they are so young, as the times goes by so quickly. This is my first vacation in years where I have taken off to simply have some down time, and hang out with the family.
The irony in this is that my partner and I are talking about separating again. I'm experiencing a very difficult time in my life right now, and seek clarity on what my dream may be. All my dreams, and ideologies have been challenged, and for the first time in my life I'm beginning to wonder what do I really want for myself. Well, at least the sun is shining brilliantly this morning, and it's bound to be another fucking glorious day. For now I'll try to continue living in the moment, and live each day one at a time.

Haiku Wednesday

Wednesday skiing fun,
Riding the chairlift today.
-The jaws of deer run.

Making turns and taking turns

Winter and I went skiing today. It was her second day out this year. It provided a terrific distraction for me today. I have the week off, and have been enjoying some great QT with my girlie girls.
I checked out on Christmas day, and I'm trying to pull it back together. Life is funny. Once again I feel the need to make the time to nurture myself and pull out of this funk. I have hope that this soul searching may bring some clarity to my life.

Stretching my hole

No, It's not what you really think. It's the hole in my ear I'm trying to stretch so I can fit a larger gauge hoop.
By the way today's Haiku was inspired while I was running this morning. I saw this brilliant shooting star in the dark over Wantastiquet, all along with my usual early morning dry heaving in the cold air. Sorry about that visual, if you know me, you know how perpetually snotty I am.

Haiku Wednesday

Snow Covered Pasture
Magnificent Shooting Star
-Dry heaving cold air

Open up my head an let me out.

My life continues to be a rollercoaster of emotions, miscues, and miscommunication. While I am expressing unconditional love for all those in my life, I'm still struggling with these relationships. There have been many twists and turns that I have not anticipated.

On the beer front, I'm trying to pull my act together and come up with a beer to brew this weekend. My grain stash is almost down to nothing, so I'll likely need to see my malt pusher for a 50lb bag of the Pale Malt. Maybe some pilsner malt would be in line for some fine winter lagers. But then again if I could brew and Imperial Stout....

Dazed

My mind is in a haze today and I feel worn out. It has already been a long week, and I was up way too late last night making last minute preparations for the weekend. I can't seem to accomplish anything productive today. It's all good.

More FCA !

FCA doesn't stand for Fucking Crabs Again, It's my French Country Ale. It tastes pretty darn good. Nice and crisp and clean. Robin liked this Belgian style inspired ale, So last night Dave and I racked the rest of the FCA that was sitting in secondary fermentation since 10/29, and we racked another 5 gallons of the Cali Common to a keg as well. I think the Cali Common is my new favorite beer! Dave was impressed with the brewery. Funny thing he's been my neighbor for five years, and this was his first trip to the lab. Maybe I can talk Dave into filming his next music video my lab?

A visit from the Badapples

Our next door neighbors Dave and Robin are coming over for drinks tonight after the children are put to bed. It seems like ages since we have hung out. Dave doesn't know it, but I will be putting him to work in the brewery tonight. It's all good since we'll need to head to the basement brewery for the beer anyway. The week has been ripping by and I need to get the brewery in order before I head out of town this weekend. How ironic that the people so close to you can still be so far away, and those so far away can seem so close.

Beer Inventory

The 10 gallons of Porter brewed last weekend will need to be racked to a secondary fermentation vessel this week. Today would be a good day. I'm also considering putting the FCA & California Common I have in secondary fermentation into kegs to save some time, and energy. I really wish I could bottle these beers, but bottling has become more of a hassle then anything else.
I'll also need to consider what is going to be brewed next in order to keep my inventory at a reasonable level. It also provides me with a variety of libation on tap. Looks like the earliest date I can brew again may be 12/23.
Any volunteers to come over and help me bottle?

if I tell another what
your own lips told to me
may I lay neath the roses
and my eyes no longer see

Relationship dynamics

The past 10 days have been an absolute rollercoaster ride of emotions fo me. I have experienced feelings of compassion, happiness, joy, sadness, confusion, frustration, anger, and even loving kindness. I have laughed and cried allot this week. My partner and I have renegotiated our relationship so many times this week that my psyche is at odds with itself. As a result I am feeling emotionally drained. I'd love to say stop the ride I want to get off, but I know good or bad this experience that life is bringing me right now will be invaluable for my evolution as a human. I realize that there is nothing wrong with having any of these feelings, but it has been difficult to stay unattached to all these feelings. I wish I could saying I'm enjoying the ride right now, but I'm just trying to hang on!

The wheel is turning
and you can't slow down
You can't let go
and you can't hold on
You can't go back
and you can't stand still
If the thunder don't get you
then the lightning will

Finally snow!

Well there is finally some snow on the ground up here. None in town, but I heard 6-8 inches fell over in the Deerfield Valley last night, and the ground was white for the bus ride to work today. With any luck perhaps I'll get out for some turns on Sunday. Oh sweet carving turns on corduroy is what I crave right now.
Yes, I'm back on the bus, as the Honda is getting serviced, and well I needed a ride to work. The high school kids on the bus crack me up. This morning, they had me grinning as they sang "Build me up buttercup".
I'm going solo parenting for most of the weekend. Winty has been under the weather so it's looking like it might be pretty low-key. Perhaps we'll pull out the paint and practice some cubism this weekend, or maybe head to Trout's for a painting playdate.

Fermentation Moon

The Porter is fermenting like a lycanthrope under the light of a full moon. Speaking of full moons, I got out for an awesome full moon run. There was this brilliant ring around the moon this morning. The temps were sub twenty when I started out. I could feel the crunch-crunch of the permafrost under my feet with every step I took. Eventually I had to turn my head lamp off due to the fact that my breath was creating a micro fog in front of me every time I exhaled. I'm still running from my demons, but this time it was through the forest.

The double Standard

Unconditional love prevails. I'll land on my feet no matter what. Presently is seems however that there is a double standard in my life right now. I'm not okay with that.

Brew in

On Sunday I hosted a small brewing festival in my backyard. Folks from all over New England, and Upstate New York descending on my backyard for a brew summit. We ended up brewing a total 35 gallons of beer, and sampling many homebrews. We enjoyed some nice commercial treats as well by Oskar Blues, and The New Belgium Brewery. My legs were still very tired from fleeing the demons, so I didn't run today . I imbibed responsibly until after I put the children to bed. Once everything was cleaned up I managed to get my swerve on, and watch some football.

Porter anyone?

My ass is toast today. well actually it's really my thighs. Maybe I overdid it by running in the woods this morning, and then climbing up Pisgah today. All of it before noon. It would seem that my demons are still chasing me. On Sunday I will turn the tables and chase my demons!
On Sunday I'm hosting a brewing session in the backyard with several home brewers from New England. It should be quite the event. For you brewing pleasure Sunday, we'll be making my porter. It's a fine beer, that can be found here.

Comfortably numb

My journey down this amazing path of enlightenment is presently sucking the life out of me. It is a strange feeling, because I think that I should have more energy. Perhaps it is simply the outpouring of unconditional love that I have been expressing, or maybe it's just because I was up extra early, and ran five miles this morning in the pre-dawn mist. My life has taken yet another major turn, and I'll freely admit, I'm a little nervous venturing into the unknown. Yes I'm scared, very scared. With that said today's mantra is: ALL IS WELL